Toxic Rainbows

cemetary_ghoul @ 2009-02-12T01:07:00

2009-02-12T06:19:16Z

So, I've been thinking of making a new account for awhile since there are a ton of posts I would rather not see anymore and should probably just start fresh. Either before I head off to bed or something tomorrow I'll probably create that new account. It will probably be along the lines of all my usernames on the internet although we'll have to see if its even available on livejournal.

After creating the new account I will mostlikely post it up on here when it has been made.

cemetary_ghoul @ 2009-01-18T20:20:00

2009-01-19T01:58:24Z

So, I've decided to start reading New Moon. I didnt think I was going to read it because I've started to really become annoyed at the amount of people who are SO INTO the Twilight series and how they're all wanting a guy like Edward and all this crap.. like its a good book but get over it, its not real. All these pictures and stuff I see popping around on the internet for these books are rediculous. Its like another Harry Potter... I couldnt get into those books, the movies I only seen two of them and I'm like whatever with the Harry Potter series. I like the Twilight books.. I mean, I'm only on chapter 3 right now of New Moon and its pretty good so far and the first book was really good but the movie for the first book, I think it was pretty lacking. I think people really need to calm the fuck down about these books, I mean its based on a fucking dream, a fucking fictional dream people.

My leg really hurts for some strange reason, I have no idea what I even did to it. Its fine for now, but if I move it'll fucking kill. Cant really do anything but sit here otherwise I'm just gonna be in pain... and I need to clean my room, take a shower and I'm kinda thirsday so this sucks.

So anyways, next month is going to be pretty busy for me. SO many birthdays, including mine all wrapped up in February and then sometime in the summer (I believe in August) my sister is FINALY getting married. I'm so excited for her and Mike, so happy for them! We're going to Ottawa for that and then some time afterwards my parents and I are going somewhere... I forget where my mom said.

Not much else to really talk about... so back to reading, maybe..

cemetary_ghoul @ 2008-12-23T15:57:00

2008-12-23T21:04:32Z

Got triplesix 's card in the mail today; thank you Mandee.

I swear it was a god given sign haha. In math today on my second worksheet of the afternoon I answer three questions in a row and all three answers happen to be a six. I sit back staring at these numbers and ponder to myself "dude its a sign, its going to be here today" and guess what! I walk in the house and get all my winter crap off, walk in to the kitchen and look over on the counter and what do you know... there it is. True story.

...♥..♥..♥..♥...

2008-12-10T23:51:41Z

Alrighty, so I've been pretty busy since I've last posted. I started back into school and am now at the 'Adult Learning Center' by Confederation College. I go to this builing every Monday to Friday at 12:30pm for math and we get a 15 minute break at 2 and are outta class at 3:30pm. It's been fairly good so far and everyone there is really nice, so I'm really happy about that.
I've hungout with Kim a couple of times since I've started the program, after class and I've been talking to Jackie online whenever she's on. Jackie's been pretty busy with college, work, and homework so she's hardly online. If I'm in the mall and I see that she's working, I'll wave at her but thats the only time I really see her. When time lets us, we'll start hanging out again. I really miss hanging out with her and Lisa too.
I saw Sonny one day while going into the College to meet up with Kim. It felt so weird to be near him. Nothing was said by either of us and I told myself to just keep walking and not to look back. It would of been nice to have had somewhat of a convorsation with him, but appearently he doesnt want anything to do with me, wich is totally fine with me. Taylor and I still talk, wich is nice.

Also, the past couple days I've been finding some old friends of mine on Facebook who I went to school with at one point. I havnt spoken with these people in years, its amazing they even still remember me, and its so weird that they have kids now.
Kevin and I are getting back to how we once were, wich I'm pretty happy about. I can not wait till he moves here, if that even ends up happening. I'm really hoping so beacause he's awesome and I would love to hangout with him. He seriously needs to move here ♥.

I've really been missing Morgan, the crazy little brat Dylan is always around and gets into everything. Morgan moved in with his mom and sister, I really dont like the fact that he did that but he did. I really hope I get to see him really soon because I dont think I can go on without that kid.

Anyways, uhm.. I think thats about it for now.

cemetary_ghoul @ 2008-12-04T11:08:00

2008-12-04T16:13:09Z

I'll make an entry really soon....

cemetary_ghoul @ 2008-11-26T08:18:00

2008-11-26T13:40:39Z

Alright so I honestly have no idea whats even been going on since I last posted. Alot of shit has been going on and well I'm majorly confused, but thats usually how things end up right? Oh well, life goes on.. So anyways, other then that crap. My parents and I were in Duluth for the weekend, wich aside from the crappy crap that went down, I still managed to have a prety good time.

In Duluth I spent alot of time taking random photos of myself in the hotel so if you would like to check those out, they're on my Myspace and Facebook. Please comment, no one seems to comment my pictures anymore for some strange reason.

Comments make me happy so please, please, please give them many comments.

I'm heading over to the college this afternoon to talk to someone about the literacy program. So hopefully this will be the final step through seeking to finish my school. I'm really excited about it so hopefully I'll be starting there in January.

cemetary_ghoul @ 2008-11-04T06:29:00

2008-11-04T11:38:09Z

I'm really missing my grandmother - alot.
I cant stop listening to this one song.. it makes me think about her.

Sum 41 - So Long Goodbye

Time passes by, direction unknown.
You've left us now but we're not alone.
Before you know it, your cup's over flown.
You measure no one that I've ever known.

Chorus:
And it's quite alright, and goodbye for now.
Just look up to the stars and believe who you are,
'Cause it's quite alright
and so long goodbye.

We always knew that it'd come to this,
It's times like these i forget what I miss.
Matters of heart are hard to address,
Especially when yours is full of emptiness.

Chorus:
And it's quite alright, and goodbye for now.
Just look up to the stars and believe who you are,
'Cause it's quite alright
and so long goodbye.

Time passes by, direction unknown.
You've left us now but we're not alone.
Before you know it, your cup's over flown.
You measure no one that I've ever known.

Chorus:
And it's quite alright, and goodbye for now.
Just look up to the stars and believe who you are,
'Cause it's quite alright
and so long goodbye.

cemetary_ghoul @ 2008-10-30T01:09:00

2008-10-30T05:35:13Z

So I was cleaning my room earlier and I came across these pictures so I decided I would scan them for your viewing pleasure...

So here I am as a tiny tot in the bahama's with some people who I dont remember, yaay.

I dont remember what that birds name was but I seem pretty amused by it.

This was for some dance parade I was in.

That guy I believe is a professional ballet dancer.

Lastly, my mom and I in Banff I think.

There are a few more.. I'm to lazy to put them here. Wanna check them out.. go see my Facebook or Myspace.

Dont forget to comment <3

Peace, time to go finish watching Underworld *lovelove*

cemetary_ghoul @ 2008-10-26T22:51:00

2008-10-27T03:10:58Z

So.. the past little while I've been having these pukey feelings in the morning before I eat anything and then again after I eat. I've also been getting these pulsing headaches randomly off and on aswell. I dont know why I'm feeling like this. Maybe I do, maybe its because of all the things that have happend recently with breaking up with Sonny to thinking about taking him back to not wanting too and then my grandma passing away and having to go to the funeral and then a couple days after we get back home I go to the college and talk about getting in to a program with the college to finish highschool. My parents also want to put me in to drivers ed. *sigh*

cemetary_ghoul @ 2008-10-22T16:51:00

2008-10-22T21:16:40Z

I dont think I've told many people about what I've planned to be doing. Ever since I dropped outta highschool my family and friends of the family have been preasuring me into going back to school and into getting a job and all this other shit. It pissed me off and upset me so much and got me so depressed I couldnt handle people telling me how to run my life and when the proper time to go back is and all. Like it should be up to me on when to go back right?
Anyways, that has died down quite a bit so finaly I have decided that now would be the perfect time to actually get back into it. So.. I went to my old highschool today to pick up my transcript, my dad called in yesterday to ask for it and they told him it would be ready for pickup. It felt really strange being in that school again. I felt so weird when dad and I drove up to the parking lot of Sir Winston Churchill and got out of the car so I asked my dad if he would come in with me. We headed inside and over to the Student Services Office and no one was there except for this random student who was reading something.
After awhile of waiting a familiar face walked in from the Office doors wich connected to the Student Services Office. My dad and I were standing in there for a good while before I noticed Mrs Boyle (I believe it was) walking in and started talking to some students who came in while dad and I were standing around waiting. We talked to her a little after she talked with the two boys. Got my transcript and went off towards Confederation College.
As we walked into the College doors I didnt feel like I was entering a school and talked to one of the lady's behind the info/welcome place I guess. The lady seemed really nice and now I have to go back there tomorrow to talk to this other person on going into the link program.
I'm actually pretty excited about this and I'm hoping I'll be able to get my highschool finished and be able to consintrate and make new friends and get on to other things at the college after finaly finishing highschool. Should be interesting and hopefully I'll be able to stick with it.

cemetary_ghoul @ 2008-10-16T22:47:00

2008-10-17T04:48:22Z

The funeral went really well and me a few cousin's and one of my brother's were a big part in the funeral. Six of us were Pallbearers, it was pretty nifty. I was pretty nervous about it since I'm tiny and not very strong and never thought it was possible for me to help carry my grandmother's casket, I had never done something like it in my life and never thought it was possible for me to do such a thing since I'm pretty tiny and not very strong. I met a bunch of my dad's cousin's.
It was really nice seeing my cousin's and aunt's and uncle's and my brother Colin and sister Melissa. I dont get to see these people that often. Nobody really keeps in touch with us, wich is really sad, I would love to visit with them more often. I think the last time we were all together was when my grandpa passed in 2000.
I'm doing pretty good considering the funeral and all. I'm just glad she isnt suffering and that she went peacefully.

Rest in Peace
xoxo

cemetary_ghoul @ 2008-10-11T14:05:00

2008-10-11T18:10:39Z

SHIIIIT

So alot has been going on...

I dont have time to elaborate on everything, I have a plane to catch.
My grandma passed away a few days ago, so we'll be in Port Elgin for the next few days...
I dont think I'll be on a computer till we get back into Thunderbay so leave me messages and pretty things on my profiles and such
kay thanx.

I'm pretty content with everything though, so dont worry about me. I'm doing good.

I'll miss you all
xoxoxo

Jams

cemetary_ghoul @ 2008-10-09T16:59:00

2008-10-09T21:02:24Z

Rest In Peace Nanny xo
Sept. 26th 1922 - Oct. 9th 2008

cemetary_ghoul @ 2008-08-07T18:48:00

2008-08-07T22:59:37Z

Hello Livejournal.
Yes, I am infact still alive..
sorry for the lack of posts in the past while,
have been fairly busy and havnt had the time to post about anything.

I'll try and post a real entry soon,
although am not sure when I'll have the time.

cemetary_ghoul @ 2008-06-21T04:08:00

2008-06-21T08:24:39Z

Can you imagine waking up each day
waking up and knowing that he's not there
not there to hold you, to kiss you
to tell you that he'll always care

Imagine that you never really told him
about how you honestly felt inside
you were so afraid of losing him
and of losing your pride

Thinking back over the times
and everything that together you went through
isn't it hard to know
that now, hes not with you?

These days i just wanna cry
i sit alone, my head on the pillow
not sure what to do
not sure what to say
emotions exaggerate
eager to release how i feel
but i cant.....

this is chewing through my bones
i wish it could just leave me and fade away
its tearin me apart , messing my mind
i'm trying hard to forget
everything thats happpened
i cant.

So much to say
But my mind is always getting in the way
I reflect and I reflect,
Thinking things have to be said perfect
I wish for once I could just say what was in my head,
Rather than worrying about what I just said
I wish for once I could be free
Rather than worrying about what people think of me
I wish for once I could just do what I feel
Rather than worrying about what is someone else's ideal
And I wish for once I could just be me,
Rather than worrying about how I should be

cemetary_ghoul @ 2008-06-12T16:30:00

2008-06-12T21:07:57Z

Helloooooooo Livejournal.. Its been awhile..
No, I'm not dead.. yet. I've been fairly busy, so havnt had much time to actually sit down and update. I've deleted a bunch of unwanted posts that we dont really need to have up on here. Theres probably a bunch more, who knows. I really dont feel like going through every single post right now, maybe sometime in the future or something.

I have a lot of new photos wich have been added to the few profiles I still go on.

Not much else to really say.........

Comment?.

cemetary_ghoul @ 2008-01-30T18:31:00

2008-01-30T23:53:17Z

Yes. I'm still alive. Just havnt posted in awhile.
But I'm still here, so dont you fear! haha.

I need you like a heart needs a beat...

2007-12-14T05:57:02Z

Got a new cell. I'm not sure why I got it early when its suposto be a Christmas gift. But its a pretty sweet phone.

I havnt been able to stop listening to this song... Sarah ;;

__pandem0nium_ pretty much made me download it from the lyrics she had posted. The lyrics made me want to hear it. This song does things to me, it makes me happy and think about my babes, I love him so much and the song makes me think about all the amazing times I've had with him. He's my joy, my everything. I honestly dont know where I would be without him. We've had pretty hard times but the thing that people dont get is the moments where everythings just perfect, those are thee moments that heal and bring me back and forget about all the upsetting and hurtful things.

People have to learn not to dwell on the bad shit in life and just go on with your lives and what makes you happy or even what makes you, you. Give yourself and others credit for the things they've done to help bring you happiness and who have helped you through everything. Who have helped you become the person you are today and who help you without even knowing it. When you dwell on the bad you dont see the good side of things, sometimes you dont even see the good in people when you constantly dwell on the bad.

It really helps bring alot of joy and happiness to yourself by bringing happiness and joy into other peoples lives, this is why I am the way that I am, I guess, and why people feel they can come to me with anything and everything. I enjoy being there for people and helping them make a better life for themselves. I understand people and know what their going through wether I've been that same situation or not, I know exactly how they feel, I feel what they feel. Its in my nature as a Pisces.

When I stop and think about everything I've done in my life and all the people I've met and helped along the way it makes he happy to know I've done something for not only others but for me. By helping them it helps me become happier and to become a better person myself. I'm so glad I have the friends that I do and that I have met so many people around the world and have helped them all so much. I'm so blessed to be able to bring happiness to the world. Also to have found someone like Sonny, I dont think my life would feel complete without someone who's as funny and loving as he is. He makes me laugh when I dont even want to smile, he brings joy to my world, he brings so much to my life. I'm so glad I have Kim, I dont know what I would do without our years and years of friendship and how she pretty well brought Sonny and I together.

- - - - - - - - -

"Tell Me What We're Gonna Do Now"
(feat. Common)

Yes, we have arrived
Joss Stone
Uh huh
It's for the world world world world
Uh

[VERSE]
You don't have to make your mind up
I just wanna take my time with you
yeah
If that's alright, it's alright
Oh forgive me if I get too shy but
maybe you're the reason why, love
I'm feelin' butterflies

Somethin' bout the look in your eyes
Oooh it just makes me feel so right

[CHORUS]
When my mind's void
You're my joy
You're the dream when I sleep
And hey I'm for ya yeah I adore ya
you're everything
That I need
And I love how you love me
If I'm made for you
you're made for me
It's too good to be
So tell me what we're gonna do now
Yeah tell me what we're gonna do now
yeah yeah

[VERSE]
Funny how my world keeps spinnin'
sometimes you can be so silly
You know just how to make me laugh
Ooh, your skin is so lovely
It moves me when you touch me
I know that you got my back
It feels so safe when you hold me
It's already like you know me

When my mind's void
You're my joy
You're the dream when I sleep
And hey I'm for ya yeah I adore ya
you're everything that I need
I love how you love me
If I'm made for you
you're made for me
It's too good to be true
So tell me what we're gonna do now

[BRIDGE]
Oh right now
See baby I love how you make me smile
Don't leave please stay awhile
Let's make this happen
I don't care how

[Common]
Right now lets stay in the present
Can't worry bout tomorrow cause today is a blessin
The world in a state of aggression
I find calm in you
I see my mom in you
It's like a feelin' in ya stomach
when you want it so bad
If we keep keeping it fresh
it ain't gonna go bad
I've been through the valley of love
Rode through the shores of Cali
just to find peace of mind
Looking to the sky
asking for at least a sign
Beautiful you came at such a decent time
When we combine it's like good food and wine
Flavorful yet refined
You remind me of the divine
So easy
Love can be lost and then found, like Stevie
I just love having you around
you wearing the gown
I'm wearing the crown
pound for pound
we the freshest couple in town

[CHORUS]
When my mind's void
You're my joy
You're my dream
And hey I'm for ya yeah I adore ya
you're everything
And I love how you love me baby
I'm made for you oh
you're made for me

Ooh tell me what we're gonna do
Tell me what we're gonna do
Tell me what we're gonna do
Tell me what we're gonna do

cemetary_ghoul @ 2007-11-26T23:34:00

2007-11-27T05:04:50Z

Helping people is something I do best. I really enjoy it too. Its also something that makes me happy.
I've been talking to a few people who have had many problems and they always seem to come to me with everything. It makes me feel good to know that I'm able to help people and make them happy. Its also pretty sweet when these people have also done alot for me.

- - - - -

We are young
Heartache to heartache we stand
No promises, no demands
Love is a battlefield

We are strong, no on can tell us we're wrong
Searchin' our hearts for so long
Both of us knowing
Love is a battlefield

You're beggin' me to go, you're makin' me stay
Why do you hurt me so bad
It would help me to know
Do I stand in your way, or am I the best thing you've had
Believe me, believe me, I can't tell you why
But I'm trapped by your love and I'm chained to your side

We are young
Heartache to heartache we stand
No promises, no demads
Love is a battlefield

We are strong, no once can tell us we're wrong
Searchin' our hearts for so long
Both of us knowing
Love is a battlefiled

We're losing control
Will you turn me away or touch me deep inside
And before this gets old, will it still feel the same
There's no way this will die
But if we get much closer, I could lose control
And if your heart surrenders, you'll need me to hold

We are young
Heartache to heartache we stand
No promises, no demands
Love is a battlefield

We are strong, no one can tell us we're wrong
Searchin' our hearts for so long
Both of us knowing
Love is a battlefield

We are young
Heartache to heartache we stand
No promises, no demands
Love is a battlefield

We are strong, no one can tell us we're wrong
Searchin' our hearts for so long
Both of us knowing
Love is a battlefiled

cemetary_ghoul @ 2007-11-08T16:25:00

2007-11-08T22:00:00Z

I've been really missin' the old days. Those old random mall adventures we all used to have almost everyday! The random hang outs in the food court with random friends and random friends of friends. It was good, it was silly, it was fun. All those laughs and retardedness. All those happy goofy random fun moments. I've really do miss it. Why does it seem like all my friends have neglected those random mall adventures and never seem to be there when I'm there. Its different now.. Its not the same at all. I hardly ever go to the mall anymore and just sit in the food court and watch people, eating food, walking the mall, looking at things, talking and laughing with the friends. Those were the days.

I miss going out and being random with friends. I dont do that all that much anymore. I used to go have fun and walk around town and go to the mall or walmart or superpet (wich is now smartpet or whatever) or wendy's with friends. I used to go to Jackie's every weekend and we'd have our rutine adventures. Used to be so much fun and filled with goofyness and laughs and randomness. And then Jackie and I adding ITG to our rutine and then ending up not having the wendy's rutine but instead the ITG at Famous Players rutine was placed. Even just walking to the park and taking random goofy pictures, and playing badmonton or just laying around talking, drinking energy drinks and just being outdoorsy. I miss it all.

Now its as if I'm stuck in basements. Everywhere I go I end up in someones basement. It's either my room, Jackie's basement, Sonny's room. (all in different houses ofcourse! Those two dont exactly get along) not that I'm complaining about it, I enjoy being with these people and spending time in basements but I would like to also be more outdoorsy, adventurous, and random again.

Its kind of sad how things happend, and how friends have changed, how some friends arnt even friends anymore and how things just feel so different. I miss hanging out with so many people that I dont even really talk to anymore. Last year and the begining of this year were so random and aweseom, I loved it. I mean, there were tonz of moments I dont even want to think of but even still some of those moments, come to think of it were pretty amazing.

I'm not saying I'm not happy with how things have turned out thusfar. I'm just saying I would like to have at least some of those old moments back and the crazy adventures and routines were still had every now and then. I miss it all too much. Its really sad how things often change, yet are still somewhat the same only it feels so much different without certain people or certain things/ laughs/ moments/ friends/ craziness, etc...

cemetary_ghoul @ 2007-10-31T11:20:00

2007-10-31T15:56:29Z

Alright, lastnight was one odd night.
Yesterday Taylor and Sonny came and picked me up around noon, they had bought Spiderman 3.
Drove towards Sonny's place and ended up driving around the block around Sonny's street and then Taylor dropped us off at Sony's.
We went inside to watch the movie.
We sat around in his room looking at the bonus stuff on the dvd. And he was talking about how kool Venom was and how they made the movie and the drawings and shit. Then we started watching the movie after awhile of watching the dvd main menu a bunch of times. He'd pause the movie and switch it back to tv mode and we'd watch tv a bunch of times while I was there and he fell asleep acouple times, and kept going out of the room a few times aswell.
He was acting somewhat strange and kept saying he wasnt feeling well and kept talking about his past and how his life relates to Spiderman 3 alot. Wich also kind of confused and upset me a little.
Taylor ended up calling in the middle of us watching the movie to tell Sonny that theres a really kool dvd case at future shop and then he'd say something about his past and talked to Taylor about how similar it is to the movie and that he feels bad about something that happend.
While watching the dvd main menu again he asked if I knew anyone who looked like Mary Jane. I thought Taylor, but didnt say anything.
Sonny was then asking about shit I talked to Jackie about the night before and what we talked about and he was really upset because he said he seen a vision of me leaving him and before he talked about Jackie he was laying there and randomly kept saying "dont leave me Jamie, I love you, dont leave me" and I was thinking like what the fuck is he talking about and he kept saying it over and over again and crying so I hugged him and was trying to calm him down and telling him that I love him too and I kissed him. He started saying that he's confused and stuff and he was also asking me about the charactors he has on his wall and I didnt say anything. So he kept asking me to tell him the names of some of them, again I didnt say anything. He was also saying something about us being so different when at the begining of our relationship we had said that we're the same. And then he kept talking about how opposites attracked. So I got really confused and on top of that somewhere in all of this I wasnt feeling well and he asked what was wrong and I told him nothing. He kept asking me if I'm going to leave him for someone else and if theirs someone else and all this and just kept saying that he's confused and that he doesnt feel well.
Just before my dad came to pick me up things were fine and Sonny and I were laughing and goofing off. Then I had to go so we went upstairs and in to the garage where I put my shoes on and we sat around waiting and talking. Then dad honked and we went out to the car, we talked to my dad and Sonny and I said our goodbyes and off me and my dad went.
Got home and went online and chatted a bit with Jackie and Nina. Read some emails. Talked to Kim, Jackie and Nina. And then midnight rolled around and I called Sonny. I wasnt talking much on the phone cuz I felt really weird and wasnt feeling well and Sonny kept saying that he's deleting music that he likes and that he listens to alot and he doesnt know why he's deleting them and I dont know it was all just really weird. So then after awhile or so he said he'd be right back, few mins later he hungup on me.. So I called back and there was no answer. I sent him a few messages over msn, no answer. Tryed calling back again, no answer. Left him more messages on msn and called back, again no answer. Did that till after 2 or 3am and was talking to nina online aswell. Started crying.. was so weirded out and confused and worried. Left him a few messages saying that I was going to go try and sleep but it was going to be hard to sleep because i'm worrying about him so much. He also told me that it has nothing to do with me and not to worry about that but he wont tell me why he's confused, I know he knows why, but he just wont tell me and its really upsetting me and confusing me..
So anyways, I went to sleep a little after 3am. My dad woke me up at 11 telling me he was going for coffee and that he'd come get me after and we'd go check for a few things I need to get for my halloween costume.
After that, I'm going to Jackie's. Her, Andrew and I are going out for halloween and then tomorrow I'm doing something with Kim. Then friday i'm supposted tobe doing something with Sonny but I dont know now since he hung up on me and wouldnt answer the phone and didnt even leave anything to my messages this morning. I'm really worried about him, he's offline when usually he's always set to busy. I dont know whats going on with him or why he's confused and not telling me and blah...

Ranty ranty rant rant..

2007-10-27T13:51:26Z

Why is it that I keep fucking waking up in these fucking bad moods or feelings that I cant fucking explain or I dont fucking know. I wake up every morning or afternoon in this fucked up mood and it ruins almost my whole fucking day/night. Its so stupid!! And and and I'm STILL having to fucking FAKE that I'm happy or whatever so I dont blow up at people like I have already a few times, I dont want to blow up at people. But like, it fucking happens and grrrrr... the out come aint pretty. Honestly, WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!!!?! I cant fucking stand it, I fucking hate this!! I'm going to fucking go INSANE!!! And plus, what the hell.... suposto go to this Halloween thing tonight at my boyfriends mothers place but I have NOTHING to fucking wear to it and oh my boyfriend said he would get me stuff for the costume I wanna be but oh look he hasnt. He fucking asks me if I want him to find something and he goes and looks and appeartently thers something but he said he'll wait till I see it or whatever and we dont even fucking bother going to check it out or anything. Why is it that we seem to have all this other shit on our minds lately aswell. GOD DAMMIT!!! And for fuck sakes, he has to work on Halloween and doesnt want me going out, and like he wanted to go out after work at like fucking 10 and come spend the night here or whatever but oh no my parents have to fucking ruin EVERYTHING!! So the boyfriend now doesnt want me to go out on Halloween, and to just sit around or whatever, WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?! that IS NOT how I fucking wanted to fucking spend halloween! I love halloween, I want to go out for halloween, I want to do all this fucking stuff for halloween like always but no, I fucking cant. WHAT THE HELL!?!?! and anyways, I dont have anyone to go fucking trick or treating with.... and like I told the boyfriend I might stay home blah blah blah but ughhhhhhh.... I WANT TO GO OUT FOR HALLOWEEN!!! I WANT TO FUCKING GO GET CANDY LIKE ALWAYS!!! But for fuck sakes!!??!!?! But now, I must be off to go fucking get ready to go to the god damn fucking doctors to get on the stupid mother fucking pill, ugh!! And my mom wakes me up saying that I want to go get on the pill and all this.. I DONT! Its my fucking parents that want me on it because they dont want me having kids right now and blah blah blah... But Sonny doesnt care, he wants kids, I want kids. But I fucking respect what our parents want.. and our parents dont want us having kids till later on. And blah blah blah.. But like, WE CANT have kids right now, as much as we would like to we fucking CANT!! Yeah, sure Sonny has a job and wants to be able to suport me and shit but like what the fuck, working at Famous Players and buying all these toys and movies and posters and comic books can really fucking do that right? And will help suport a fucking kid, right? NO IT FUCKING CANT. We want kids yes, I want a kid now and so does he BUT WE FUCKING CANT!! FOR FUCK SAKES!! And he doesnt want to use condoms and I honestly dont fucking care if he does or not, I mean I'm with him and only him, right? And I'm going on the pill once I get ready to go to the stupid doctors. And he thinks we can not use condoms while I'm on the pill... and he wants to have sex as soon as I get to his house, the fucking pill needs time to take effect and shit... and I fucking hate how he's always wanting to have sex with me... yeah yeah I know he loves me and I do love him and we've been feeling alot closer, but god dammit sex isnt a big fucking part of a relationship, right? No its not, it doesnt revolve around fucking all the fucking time!!! GAHHH!! And on top of all this I keep getting these fucking sick feelings and I dont fucking like it... I'm always feeling like shit... no matter what the fuck I do... ughhhh. And I kind of miss the old days... kind of? What the fuck am I talking about, I DO miss the old days... AND ALSO I DONT FUCKING DO PHONES, I only call Sonny because he wants me to and whenever people call me I'll only go on if I feel like it. I'll fucking tell my mom or who ever picks up the phone and tells me its for me, I'll fucking say for whoevers on the phone to fucking talk to me online. I hate the fucking phone with a pasion. I dont do phones! I know I have a cellphone and all but thats so when I'm out and people need to find me to fucking call me or for me to fucking call for rides, other then that, I DONT FUCKING DO PHONES!!!! Ugh... But yeah, like I said I have to fucking get ready and go to the stupid doctors to get on the stupid pill and then get fucking dropped off at Sonny's and then whatever happens there and then eventually go to his moms, I guess.... I honestly dont fucking know whats happening later on tonight........ FUCK!!!

cemetary_ghoul @ 2007-10-23T02:39:00

2007-10-23T07:03:40Z

Dearest Livejournal Friends

How's everyone been the past while.
I've been rather busy to type up an actual entry in awhile..
Notice how I deleted the last post about the crappiness of how things were going for a little. Well things have been going better so tis why I ended up deleting that entry if those of you who commented on it are wondering what happend.

Things have off and on been going rather bumpy for quite some time. Although things have been in the process of being worked out and as of a couple days ago, things have been going much better and I'm happy about that.

I've been hanging out with the fiance off and on. Things are going pretty well.
We went Halloween Shopping. I still havnt decided what I'm going to be this year but then I thought heck why not be the same thing I was last year only get my own set of kitty ears rather then use Jackie's wich I ended up using last year.
After awhile I had rememberd that I wanted to dress up as Ginger from GingerSnaps.

Also, I've been craving to watch GingerSnaps for sometime now and while I was on the phone with the fiance I started talking about the movie and kind of had this strange feeling that it was on so I went out in to the livingroom, turned on the tv and was checking to see what movies happen to be coming on and what do ya know... Ginger Snap's will be on in a few mins or so.

But anyways, off I go to watch GingerSnaps, just thought I'd make a quick entry.

cemetary_ghoul @ 2007-08-30T12:26:00

2007-08-30T17:33:49Z

I've been pretty busy lately and havnt had the time to post a real entry in awhile. I want to get back on track with Livejournal again, like I used to be back in the day when I prolly had one of the other accounts and where I'd post pretty much everyday and not like everytime I find the time too.

Anyways, I should probably update you all on whats happening. For those of you who dont know, Sonny and I have been dating since the 6th of August. A few days into the relationship, he proposed. I know I know, its probably too early in the relationship to be engaged but its not like we're going to be getting married anytime soon.

We met through one of my bestfriends who I've known since we were really little. Kim told me to add Sonny sometime in July before I went on a two week family trip with my parents, I didnt but when I was in Port Elgin at my cousins I went online and seen that he added me so we talked a bit when I was at my cousins and when my parents and I went to London (ontario) to see my brother, I went online there and we talked and he kept wanting to hangout so when I got back to Thunderbay I thought 'well I'll go see what he's like' and on the 5th of august I went and met up with him at around 10pm at northwood mall.

We sat around infront of Shoppers, talked and listend to his mp3 player. He was so cute, funny and I was sort of shy and not as talkative as I would of been if a few of my friends were with us. He kept wanting me to come sit with him on the bike rack thinger when I was either standing near it or sitting on the ledge of the window.

Eventually I gave in and sat with Sonny on the bike thing. A little after one am we decided that it was time to walk me home and as we were walking through northwood parking lot he asked if I would like to go see a movie the next day. I had to think about it. As we were walking more towards my street he put his arm around me and I reasted my head on him a few times. So we basicly sorta clicked. We got on my street, stopped at the corner hugged and said our goodbyes. I went on msn when I got in the house and told a few people about my little adventure with Sonny.

When Sonny got home that night he came online and we talked some more. We then decided we'd go to the movies the next day and make it a date. On August 6th we went to go see Transformers. We got into the theater, he got the tickets and we walked around, talked with a few of the workers at Famous Players (since he knew the guys and well works there) and just sat around till our movie. It turned out to be an interesting/fun night.

I started to really like the guy that evening. There was something about him that I fell hard for. Once we were in watching the movie we got a little closer and we didnt watch much of the movie but the parts that we did watch were pretty good.

The next few days were spent with eachother. We havnt been able to not be without eachother and every time we have to part, its so hard, we dont want to leave. A few days into the relationship I was over at his house. We were laying on his bed in his room watching tv and stuff and he pulls out this ring from under his pillow and asks "will you?", I obviously said yes. I've been so happy!

My dad seems to really like Sonny, wich is a really good thing. My mom, she's kind of hard to read. One day she'll say "you've got a good boyfriend" and then the next she'll get all weird like or something. But I'm happy and have been the happiest ever. I dont remember the last time I was this happy or felt this amazing. He's such a sweetheart, he's so perfect. This still feels like its to good to be true. I've wanted something like this my whole life and never thought I'd actually have or know this feeling, since alot of shit has happend and fucked alot up in my life. I'm a little scared that I'll lose this, but at the same time I have this feeling that we will last longer then any of my past relationships.

Sonny's alot better then the people I've dated, no offence to them, and the things that he says and does, and he means them. Those other people I've dated or even liked are nothing compared to this.

We have spent a night together at his moms place and since then its been hard for the both of us to sleep without eachother. That night was so fun, hanging out, eating food, having a few drinks and just having fun. I really like his mom's place, his mom and his step dad. They seem like really nice people and are fun.

Anyways, tonight Sonny will be spending the night here after work and then tomorrow we're going to Duluth with my parets till sometime Saturday evening. I'm excited! And my mom wants to go to some Biyu Boogie thing or whatever its called so this should be interesting.

But right now, I think its time to go find food and do stuff till Sonny gets off work and does what he has to do before he gets here and see whats what with the parents and all that junk. I might go for a shower too.

cemetary_ghoul @ 2007-08-11T23:48:00

2007-08-12T08:35:11Z

Life is really starting to look up for me, and its rather interesting how fast things are moving.
I've been right happy, happier then I've been in awhile, and it feels so good.